Virginity: Not only for women

Today we see a surging of male podcasters with an interesting new pitch: return to traditional values, but only for women.

Today we see a surging of male podcasters with an interesting new pitch: return to traditional values, but only for women.

These podcasts, be they Andrew Tate, Fresh & Fit, or others, search within evolutionary psychology, and the differences in male and female psychology, to extract much wisdom from the traditional values of chastity, submissiveness of the woman and leadership of the man, and actually, even the existence of psychological differences between the sexes.

They hit home on many points, but fall short-or rather very far-on others. Most importantly, a lot of them say they wish for a attentive, submissive wife (or wives), and yet they do not want to have the values of these women: namely chastity, or keeping virginity until marriage, or even marriage itself.

This is a very good example of the man with knowledge but no wisdom. The man with intelligence can produce new information, the man of knowledge can remember and use information, and the man of wisdom knows the importance of the information, and what lessons to pull from it.

The reasoning for female chastity

The reasoning they give for women being chaste, is because men aren’t attracted to women with many sexual partners. Simply put the most logical explanation, often given, is given through this phrase:

“While a woman’s worst nightmare is rape, a man’s worst nightmare is learning, after working for years, sustaining his wife and family, that the kids he’s fed and raised aren’t his own.”

While of course this is an oversimplification, it does ring true to a certain extent, and, more importantly, conveys what is at stake for a male when choosing a female. The male spends labour sustaining his partner, in exchange for lineage (please remember this is strictly on the animal side, regardless of the human side, which is exactly the problem with this line of reasoning). This is why once a new lion takes over a pride, he kills all the offspring of the previous male.

Thus it is explained that it’s “fine” for men to be with many partners, but not for women. (Of course the lack of stigma is not based upon this at all, but rather the fact that a man who gets many partners has worked for it, whilst a woman who gets many partners has to do nothing more than accept anyone who asks her).

These men often use these scientific facts, as well as this evo-psych approach, to stay away from religious, or moral arguments; which, credit to them, still allows them to reach a very large audience. But whilst the scientific basis for all of this is important, we must remember that we aren’t only animals, and that it is quite typical of the modern man to equate himself to a very clever chimpanzee.

The reasoning for male chastity

Firstly, without going into ethical quandaries, lets firstly stipulate that a woman who is submissive, willing to raise children, religious, chaste, etc… Probably wants a chaste man, or at least one less promiscuous than the average. Indeed a man who has had many partners will probably not be the kind to stay loyal, which is important for women just as much.

Going back to the animal side, a disloyal man, is one who is not exempt from cutting his provision of his partner, and her offspring, and very capable of leaving: not a good bargain for her. Furthermore, a man with man with more partners, is maybe dishonest since the beginning, and may take advantage of her to gain access to her body, without fulfilling his side of the bargain: providing.

But is a relationship really just a transaction?

Whilst reading through what is above, you probably had a part of you seeing this as an unfair analysis, or rather, a blinded one, and I would agree.

Wisdom is action which is not incompatible with your animal nature, but which pushes you to your rational soul.

Let me explain. Marriage is an institution which originally guarantees a few things: first and foremost the viability of the union long-term, an assurance to each member of this relationship that the other isn’t simply taking advantage of them (i.e. using them for their body). Then it sets a grounding for the responsibilities of the spouses to each other: the man takes on the roles of leader, provider, and protector; the woman takes on the roles of childbearer, educator, and supporter. This is a technical definition, which takes into account only the material side of this arrangement, which thus makes it seem like a contractual exchange of jobs. But it misses the fact that marriage, is also having a partner you connect with, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. It is born out of love, and respect for each other, and out of a willingness to be upstanding.

Your animal nature requires certain things: men require offspring, sex (as much as they can get), and respect. Women require protection, provision, and love. Thus marriage ensures that all of these needs are met, and yet allows you to aim for a much higher spiritual goal. You stay chaste before marriage, because you realise that sex is sacred, because it is miraculous. Today we have a tendency to dissociate the pleasure of sex, with it’s consequence: childbirth, even if the latter is the reason for the existence of the former.

“All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.”

That is the first article of the universal declaration of human rights. The veracity of the above phrase rings true in almost all of humanity. Even the most materialistic atheist, cannot deny that the human experience of consciousness, our ability to feel remorse, guilt, to care for those whom have passed, and our incredibly ability to use language, as a collection of polysemic atoms, to express ourselves in the most abstract of ways, be it poetry, wordless music, or paintings, to each other and yet still convey specific information to each other… all of this separates us heavily from any animal on the face of the earth.

This, is why human life is so valuable, there is a famous Islamic hadith which states that an act of murder is akin to killing all of humanity, and that saving a life is akin to saving all of humanity. Every human life, no matter how vapid, boring, evil, good, smart, or stupid it is, has immesurable worth. And thus, the miraculous gift of child-rearing, that has been bestowed upon women, and the honour of feeding these kids, that had been bestowed upon men, make the act of sex, the farthest thing from it’s current conception in the collective mind: an exchange of bodily fluids which provides momentary ecstasy. Once you know that this can bring into life a human, you realise that the joy of having your own child, of seeing them for the first time, of touching them, feeling them is more euphoric than anything in this world, much more than sex. For this reason: taking the gamble of risking childbirth out of a mismatched couple, or within one in which the father will be absent, or to terminate the pregnancy, all of that in exchange for momentary ecstasy with an individual which hasn’t made a sermon and alliance to live this incredible journey, to share this incredible joy of being a parent.

I am a virgin and am not yet married. I intend to stay chaste until I have a ring on my finger, and I wish these male podcasters would just forget their pointless worldly physical pleasures for an instant, to think instead of the majesty of a virtuous life, and beyond that, to associate such life with the rewards of the next for those who believe in it. If not, then at least let your time on this earth have been meaningful: you’ll get more meaning out of having a child than from having sex.

Originally published at https://neosapien.xyz on September 10, 2022.